On Life Taking Time

U Street NW, Washington DC 2019

U Street NW, Washington DC 2019

Anyone else out there find themselves getting resentful at how much time living takes?

This may be a very Enneagram Type 9 problem, but I’m sure that there are other types out there who can relate.

I’m finding the more I stay awake to my life—the more present I am—the more I completely understand my desire to numb out. Because when I pay attention, life feels overwhelming which, if I am completely honest, is a feeling I really want to avoid.

Or so goes the narrative that I am telling myself—my life is too busy and too overwhelming, so best to avoid looking too closely at it. Just do the next “urgent” item on your to-do list and maybe, just maybe, you will get to a point where you feel like you can catch your breath. And then, once everything around you has been taken care of, you can start living your life, doing what you want to do (though, truth be told, you don’t actually know what that is because knowing, get this...takes time.)

Whew. Yeah. This is where I am. Finally waking up to myself and my life as it is. Which means waking up to the fact I don’t have it all figured out because figuring it out takes time. And maybe that is ok. No matter how uncomfortable that makes me feel.

And maybe it’s by learning how to befriend these uncomfortable feelings (and myself for having them) that I finally discover the peace I am looking for. Maybe?