As far as who controls the money...we both did. Our relationship was such that I never felt "kept" or like it was "his" money and not mine. At different points in time over the 20 years we were together we each took varying responsibility for paying bills etc. and he never had a problem with what I spent. Interestingly enough, when we first got married, I made more than he did. When he started his IT company, I kept my IT consulting job (part-time) "just in case". It was my decision to stay home once it looked like his company could support us both.

Another interesting thing is that during our mediation sessions, Jeff did agree that it was best for me to continue to stay home with the boys if possible. We are lucky to be in a financial position where I can still do that even though we are not together. He also agreed to certain things related to my share of the company that he was not required to by law, but made sense given our partnership and my role in supporting him while he grew it. So yes, I would say that we did see ourselves as partners.

Family friendly workplaces is something that I definitely support. Am I actively working for it? No, because it does not really affect me since I prefer to stay at home. Just as I am sure that you are not actively working to help homeschooled parents and families (something very worthwhile that helps families that I am doing). I also support public schools, although I am not active in trying to improve them either. There are so many good causes where we can put our time and energy and we each choose those things that are important to us. It does not mean that we think other causes are not worthwhile, just that we only have so much time and energy that we can spend.

The truth is that Jeff did NOT want to stay home with the kids. The other truth is that I preferred staying home with the boys and really did not (do not) care about having paid work. Our division of duties worked really well for us because it is what we each wanted to do. I have homeschool friends who do both work part-time and it works well for them. I have homeschool friends who are single working parents. And I have homeschooled friends where the mother is the primary breadwinner.

For me it is not about which way is "right" but rather whether it works for the family and having the choice. Out of my good homeschool friends who have a "traditional" relationship (father works, mother stays home) no one is there against her will and we also realize how lucky we are to have that option.

There are pros and cons to every relationship and no "one size fits all" solution. For me freedom is having the choice to live life in a way that works for us. Even if that looks more "stereotypical". I will say that I have not missed working these past 13 years...being a SAHM and a homeschooling mom has given me more freedom than I ever had while I was a working mom. Your mileage may vary of course and I support your decision to make a different choice than I did.

I wish homeschooling mothers and their husbands would work for more family friendly workplaces where BOTH parents can work part-time and raise their children.