Letting Things Unfold
Monday, January 11, 2010 at 09:00AM 
Ocean City, Maryland - September 2007
It has been an interesting couple of weeks for me. Shortly after Christmas, I had an awakening of sorts. One of those things that only happens when you get so completely and utterly overwhelmed that you just finally let go. You let go of trying to figure it out. You let go of trying to “handle” it. You let go and accept that you honestly can not control your life. In a way, you give up.
And that is where the shift happened. I can’t completely explain it. But I am seeing things differently. Nothing has actually changed, but things (some things) are more clear. It is as if all these things that I knew in my head have finally seeped into my heart. I finally “get it” and the biggest thing that I get is that there is no one “it” to get. That this does not mean that everything is “fixed,” just that I have taken the next step on my journey and that there will be many more steps and many more “its” to get.
I tend to, as they say, “live in my head.” And have long felt that it is not a matter of “knowing what to do,” for I know what to do. Honestly. I do. I have been in therapy for years. I have read tons of books. I have tried to develop good habits. I get that I need to be mindful and accepting in my day to day life. I get that I need to accept the things that I cannot change, change the things that I can and be able to tell the difference. I do. I know this. In my head. The question has been how do I get to really know this, deep down. In my heart. Not in my head. So that I can trust that things will work out, even if I don’t know or can’t see how.
And here is what I have found. There is no “way.” No book or person can tell me “you have to do xyz and you will get it.” Because my journey is what it is. It is my own. It may not be completely unique, as most of what we experience in life is not (even though we like to tell ourselves it is). But it is mine. And I have to feel it and, most of all, accept it, with all its messy imperfections.
Our brilliance, our juiciness, our spiciness, is all mixed up with our craziness and our confusion, therefore it doesn’t do any good to try to get rid of our so-called negative aspects, because in that process we also get rid of our basic wonderfulness. ~ Pema Chodron
In my life I have been blessed to find the people and support that I need. And the best teachers do not tell me what to do or not to do. They trust that I will know what is right for me when I need to know it. Because they don’t know what is right for me. But they do know I will find it. And now I do too.
Reader Comments (7)
Well said, Stephanie. I believe this is part of that "wisdom" thing they say comes with age: actually *absorbing* that which we've "known."
LOL! Is that what it is Adesa? It sure seemed to take its own sweet time to sink in with me. But I guess that is the point. You can't "get it" until you are ready. Kind of like how kids will learn to read when they are ready and you can't force it any earlier...
Wow, your words resonate so much with me right now. I think I may need to let go a bit too---I'm getting blisters on my hands trying to hold the reigns as tight as I can, afraid of what will happen if I ease up.
That quote was very pertinent for me right at the moment. Thanks!
One day maybe I'll "get it" too...
Letting go is the really hard part Fairly Odd Mother...and an essential part I think. We are conditioned to hold on as tight as we can... to make it work. What I am finding is that things actually work much better once I let go...
You will Kez. Trust in that. Keep reading, asking questions, following what seems right. And at some point you will know. Believe me, this has caught me quite off guard. It's as if everything just sort of gelled for me at this point. Kind of weird actually.
I am glad that you like that quote. It is one of my favorites and I keep coming back to it. It is from Pema Chodron's The Wisdom of No Escape. I have found that a lot of Pema's teachings have resonated with me and really helped me on this path. The larger context of that quote is as follows:
"Meditation is a process of lightening up, of trusting the basic goodness of what we have and who we are, and of realizing that any wisdom that exists, exists in what we have already. Our wisdom is all mixed up with what we call our neurosis. Our brilliance, our juiciness, our spiciness, is all mixed up with our craziness and our confusion, therefore it doesn’t do any good to try to get rid of our so-called negative aspects, because in that process we also get rid of our basic wonderfulness. We can lead our life so as to become more awake to who we are and what we’re doing rather than trying to improve or change or get rid of who we are or what we’re doing.
There must be something in the air, Stephanie, because I've been going through the same process myself this last week...again. I'm usually pretty good at staying balanced and letting things happen as they're meant to, but sometimes there's just so much happening that I lose sight of myself and my priorities in the sheer chaos of life. I think the lessons we're learning here are ones that need to be repeated occasionally, but I also think we get a little better at it each time. Good luck with your journey...I'll be following it with interest and empathy.
Warmest wishes,
Linda
http://wwwlindapoitevin.com
http://www.darkangelauthor.blogspot.com
This found me today, and was exactly what I needed to read. Thank you for sharing :-) Namaste